Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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