I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
