my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
