We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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