well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
