He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
