I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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