Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we're making bets on your personal life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
