last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
