Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
