I wish I could teleport
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
