Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
