So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
