he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I AM VODKA MAN
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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