im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
