we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
