Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
