Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
