Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
