I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
