**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
