Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
