They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
