What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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