We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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