You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
