Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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