I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
