Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Text me some of your sweat
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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