I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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