Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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