Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
