it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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