Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
