just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
