I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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