For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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