you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
