i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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