ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I came so hard my ears popped.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
