Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
