Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
