mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
