there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
