I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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