when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
