is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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