So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
