I didn't shave. On purpose
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
