Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
