don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
