I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
