Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
